Det mangler smittevernsutstyr over hele verden. Dette åpner for at man må finne kreative og nye måter å beskytte seg mot det grusomme Corona-viruset
LATEST: Odd-Ivan Gladvold (41 years) has no trouble not squeezing or avoiding contact with people
Many of us miss close contact and pleasant social gatherings in these times. Odd-Ivan Gladvold from Tveita, on the other hand, does not see problems. “People need to stop gnamming about hugging and social coziness. It’s no problem not to hug. Oh, my God” he says
Never hugs
anyway Odd-Ivan works as a self-employed person. He has daily contact with people in his job, but never hugs. “No, faan, I’m not hugging people, why should I hug? I have far more important things to do than waste bodily close contact on hugging” he says clearly annoyed. In fact, Odd-Ivan seems reasonably pissed off so eAvisa’s dispatchers are happy about the 3-meter rule
Give a
shit about Corona. Although Odd-Ivan has learned that the world is in corona crisis, he is not afraid. “What the fa…. You ask me if I’m afraid! Ha?” he mills and continues; ” I’m not afraid of a virus, what are you trying to imply, that I’m a sissy, pussy or a little girl? Huh???” he screams. As this interview now seems dangerous, our dispatched man chooses and runs from Odd-Ivan. Odd-Ivan is running after. He has now clicked in earnest and the situation is completely out of control
eAvisa will return with more information in the case as soon as our man is out of intensive care….
BREAKING NEWS: People more eager to walk than dogs. Dogs are tired of walking. Can’t take it anymore.
In recent weeks, Norwegians and the rest of the world have been more or less forced to sit in with arn, cohabitant and, at worst, several family members. Now extensive research shows that humans are now far more eager to walk than dogs are.
The dogs
are sick and tired. Several dogs a dog talker has talked to say they’re sick of going for walks. A Labrador says that in recent days he has been on air trips 4 times a day. “First, mom wants to go for a walk. Then there’s Dad, then mom has to get out again and finally mom suddenly takes out. I’m completely exhausted. says it
Delicious with lots of trips
A man who or is never particularly keen to go for walks is suddenly very keen. “Yes I go for walks 3-4 times a day, a little depending on the mood of the bitch I live with, but mostly I have to go out 3-4 times a day”he says. He goes on to state that he had never thought that his partner’s for 13 years could be so annoying. “Cruel lady”he says and shakes his head
BREAKING NEWS: Lars-Aleksander (46 years) offers butt wash for those who run out of toilet paper
Lars-Aleksander Fillebombom from Sarpsborg wants to participate in the national dugnaden. That’s why he now offers butt wash to all those who run out of toilet paper as a result of some retarded Norwegians having stockpiled 98 pallets of toilet paper
Will contribute to society
Lars-Aleksander normally works as an orange peeler in a fruit factory, but was laid off as a result of the Corona virus. Now he wants to help others who aren’t doing so well. “I have noticed that one of the biggest consequences of this virus is that Norwegians are terrified not to get dried up after toilet visits so that’s why I travel all over the Norway and wash the rump where needed”says the socially engaged man
Girls only,
not men Although Lars-Aleksander is an everyday hero, he sets clear limits on who he wants to help. “Yes, I only help women aged 22-39 years,”he says. “Men and older women just get sick, that’s not what I do. I want to help everyone, but there are limits.” says Lars-Aleksander as he shows off his serpent.” Yes this is the pressure in”he smiles before running on to wash some
SISTE NYTT: Lars-Aleksander (46 år) tilbyr rumpevask for de som går tom for dopapir
Lars-Aleksander Fillebombom fra Sarpsborg ønsker å delta på den nasjonale dugnaden. Derfor tilbyr han nå rumpevask til alle de som går tom for dopapir som følge av at en del tilbakestående nordmenn har hamstret 98 paller med dopapir
Vil bidra til samfunnet
Lars-Aleksander jobber til vanlig som appelsin-skreller på en fruktfabrikk, men ble permittert som følge av Corona-viruset. Nå vil han hjelpe andre som ikke har det så bra. “Jeg har jo lagt merke til at en av de største konsekvensene av dette viruset er at nordmenn er livredde for å ikke få tørket seg etter do-besøk så derfor reiser jeg rundt i hele Norge og vasker romper der det trengs” sier den samfunnsengasjerte mannen
Kun jenter, ikke menn
Selv om Lars-Aleksander er en hverdagshelt så setter han klare grenser for hvem han ønsker å hjelpe. “Ja, jeg hjelper kun kvinner i alderen 22-39 år” forteller han. “Menn og eldre kvinner blir bare sykt, slikt driver jeg ikke med. Jeg vil hjelpe alle, men det finnes jo grenser” sier Lars-Aleksander mens han viser fram slangen sin. “Ja denne er det trykk i” smiler han før han kjører videre for å vaske noen
BREAKING NEWS: Empty streets in Scotland ensured this sea creature appeared for the first time
Today there is a lot of attention on the Corona virus- Many people are quarantined and the streets of the country are mostly crowded. It has resulted in more animals thought to be extinct drawing to the crowded streets
Lockness
Monster One of the most startling creatures that has drawn into the crowded streets is the sea monster everyone thought was just a myth. The Lockness monster has for many years been dismissed as a nonsense ball, but this morning the sea monster appeared. Now scientists are wondering what other mythical animals might emerge. You can read up on the Lockness monster here
Sabaltooth and Mamut?
Many scientists without formal education believe that both sabertooth tigers, mammoths and unicorns can emerge as a result of the people-turned-areas. “The Corona virus has caused many animals to enter the city centres around the world and we expect unicorns to show up in all their glory over the next few days”says self-proclaimed researcher and unicorn expert Vidar Blockleilighet to eAvisa
SISTE NYTT: Tomme gater i Skottland sørget for at dette sjødyret viste seg for første gang
I skottland er det idag stor oppmerksomhet rundt Corona-viruset- Mange sitter i karantene og gatene i landet er stort sett folketomme. Det har resultert i at flere dyr man trodde var utryddet trekker til de folketomme gatene
Lockness monster
En av de mest oppsiktsvekkende skapningene som har trukket inn til de folketomme gatene er sjømonsteret alle trodde bare var en myte. Lockness monsteret har i mange år blitt avfeid som tullball, men i dag tidlig dukket altså sjømonsteret opp. Nå lurer forskere på hvilke andre mytiske dyr som kan dukke opp. Du kan lese deg opp på Lockness-monsteret her
Sabaltann og Mamut?
Mange forskere uten formell utdannelse mener nemlig at både sabeltann-tigere, mamuter og enhjørninger kan dukke opp som følge av de folketomme områdene. “Corona-viruset har gjort at mange dyr trekker inn til bykjernene verden over og vi forventer og håper at enhjørninger viser seg i all sin prakt i løpet av de neste dagene” sier selverklært forsker og enhjørnings-ekspert Vidar Blokkleilighet til eAvisa
GOVERNMENT WARNS: You don’t need to stock up on puzzles. There are enough puzzles for everyone
As most of us Norwegians now sit in imposed or self-imposed quarantine, the puzzle shops are now a huge go-ahead. People stockpil puzzles like crazy ones. Yesterday, more than 1 million puzzles were sold in Oslo alone. Government now goes out and discourages hamstring of puzzle
Enough puzzle
for everyone Of course, at the Trade Association for Board Games and Puzzles, you are thrilled by the increasing sales of puzzles. “We see that we make ridiculous amounts of money, but we don’t lack puzzles. Norway have good routines for the production of puzzles and we right now have several million puzzles in stock” says puzzle-manager Knut Åge Pusling to eAvisa
Cabin motif
most popular eAvisa has gained access to the sales statistics and can see that there are puzzles for those aged 25-45 years with cottage motifs that sell clearly best. In 3 and 4 place we find puzzles for the age group 2-4 years. “Yes, not surprisingly, it is the cabin motif that is most popular these days. Now it’s almost Easter so there are plenty of people with cottages struggling these times” says Knut Åge Pusling
The government’s speech is clear; “We want everyone to get puzzles. Think solidarity and limit the number of puzzles per household” says Prime Minister Erna Solberg
BREAKING NEWS: Man (43 years) continues not to jog due to Corona
A man from Volderud in Gnuredalen has decided that he will not start jogging this year. “Sincethere is now such an aggressive attitude towards those who jog I choose and continue not to jog”says the man who appears relatively fat
Haven’t jogged in
12 years. The man has until now said every year that he should start jogging. “Yes, but there have always been things that make it difficult for me to start with the jogging. A few years ago I had a pollen allergy and last year I had to go on holiday so the jogging had to go out” he says. The man hasn’t jogged in 12 years. This year, he continues not to jog because of the Corona virus
Going to the cabin
The man responds to what he refers to as “a strong exaggeration of a cold virus.” “Yes, this is a storm in a water bowl, same as with the climate hysteria,” says the man who has decided to defy the cabin ban and go to the cabin for Easter. “It’s my cabin, and it’s thus a violation of the human rights rules to refuse me to leave”says the man from his couch
Do you agree with the man? Should everyone drop jogging and go to the cabin?
BREAKING NEWS: More and more parents want to adopt their kids quickly
After weeks of quarantine, adoption agencies Norway are now marking a fierce influx of parents who want to adopt their children. “There is simply little or no interest among Norwegian parents to be with their children 24 hours a day” says adoption manager Bente Give Away Barnadine to eAvisa
Everyone wants urgent
treatment Common to all the inquiries that come in is that the vast majority of parents want to adopt their children as soon as possible. “Yeswe have mothers who say they can’t take another hour with their children and want us to find a suitable adoption family as quickly as possible”she says
Adopting away 3 children a day
“We have long been prepared for this and have planned treatment so that we will on average manage to adopt away 3 children every day”says the adoption manager. “Whether this is sufficient we don’t know yet, but we have to ask parents to smear themselves with patience and put on the popular Disney movie Frost again”she says
