Jenter og gutter har ikke alltid de samme ønskene når det kommer til sex. Man sier ofte at kommunikasjon er den beste måten å fikse senge-problemer på, men det er ikke alltid man orker å stoppe opp for å prate litt først. Her er derfor 10 tips til alle gutter som tror de vet hva jentene liker når man turner i sengen sammen:
1. Uansett hva du gjør; Ikke vær VELDIG ivrig. De fleste kvinner trenger lang tid på å få orgasme. Sakte, kjærlig og riktig. ikke KJEMPERASKT og fort:
2. Et viktig råd gutter! INGEN jenter LIKER analsex! True story!
3. Undersøkelser viser at kun 50% av jenter liker oralsex. Ikke kast bort tiden på oralsex når ikke jenten liker det allikevel. Bare å spørre vel?
4. De fleste jenter får orgasme når de blir Fridd til så dette er et sikkert tips:
5. 9 av 10 jenter er veldig opptatt av at penis skal være størst mulig. Dersom du har stor penis går det som regel alltid bra!
6. Ikke virk desperat. Sier damen nei til sex så bare lat som det er helt greit:
In the heat of battle, you don’t always have control over what’s going on! For example, it’s quick to pull off your opponent’s pants, or lick them under your arm, right? What we don’t understand is why many people should wear these condom clothes? It’s a little too fast for your pants to unravel in the ass? Do they want to show off or is it bad luck? We don’t know, but with today’s camera lenses, it comes under pressure. Guaranteed!
I kampens hete har man ikke alltid kontroll på hva som skjer! Det er for eksempel fort gjort å dra av motstanderen buksa, eller slikke de under armen, ikke sant? Det vi ikke forstår er hvorfor mange skal ha på seg disse kondomklærne? Det er litt for fort gjort at buksa rakner i rumpa? Vil de vise seg fram eller er det uflaks? Ikke vet vi, men med dagens kameralinser så kommer det på trykk. Garantert!
The government decided today that the children in Norway should be back on the school bench. “Wehave no idea if this is dangerous or not, but we quickly get answers for sure,”says an infectious disease expert who, like most other experts, has no idea about the Corona virus.
Trying us out In other words, the government is as excited as both parents and grandparents if this will go well. When young children are back at school over Easter comes the answer; Is this going well or not. If the children stay healthy, they’ll be fine, but if the kids get extremely sick, it’s not going so well. Yes, yes… “We don’t see any reason not to try our hand at it. You know, finances and things like that.” says the government
Children must follow the rules At the same time as the children are going back to school, there are important infection control rules that children must follow. Children in grades 1-4 must do as they are told, they must follow all the rules. “Experience-wise, these children are the best at listening to adults so we hope and believe that this can somehow go well”says another infectious disease expert who also has no idea what she’s talking about.
A man from Oslo strongly opposes the government now letting up on the restrictions. Erna Solberg has suggested that Norway are now slowly but surely going back to normal days. The man strongly disagrees with that.
Recommend home office The man who normally works as a journalist in one of Norway’s smallest newspapers says the government must show action and impose on anyone who has the opportunity to work from home. “Yes home office is the best solution now. Everything else is madness.” says the man who has slept a long time, drunk a lot more red wine in recent days and who has been wearing the same sweatpants for 15 days
All too soon The man realizes that sooner or later he has to return to office, but believes this should not happen until 2021 at the earliest.”Yes you can get infected, it’s dangerous. Safety and health first” Let’s stay at home to look after the elderly,”says the man. He enjoys today’s dinner, which is cheese pop with cheese tape and cinnamon buns. “Lifein quarantine is tough, but necessary” concludes the lazy man
After Prime Minister Erna Solberg today delivered her speech in which she warned that the government is easing the restrictions, several thousand cars are now on their way to Easter Mountain. Erna said the cabin ban will be lifted on April 20, but many cottage owners have been deliberately misunderstood. Thousands are now on their way to the cabin just 10 minutes after Erna stepped off the pulpit
I just heard allowed to go to the cabin eAvisa has spoken to many cabin owners who are now on their way to the cabin. Lars Kronerud from Holmenkollen says he turned off the tv before hearing when the cabin ban would be lifted. “I’m sure I heard that the cabin ban was lifted immediately so then I relate to what I heard,” says Konerud, who is only going to visit the pole first.
Should be at the cottage for the rest of your life Another cabin owner says he is now already at the cottage and that he will never go home. “Yes, I’ll stay at the cabin for the rest of my life. I’ll never leave here.” he says. He has bought several hundred Amarone wines as well as lots of toilet paper. “Yes I have so much red wine and toilet paper that I can sit in the bathroom with superdiarè while I drink red wine at the same time. I have so much red wine.” laughs the sympathetic cottage-owner
A hospital in the United States has either ordered errors or they have a hoaxer at the procurement department. In the search for face masks, 7,000 masks were ordered that no one thought to be seen in a hospital. “Anincredibly bad joke if that’s what this is all about”says the hospital director
Must wear the masks Although the vast majority of staff at the hospital refused to wear the vulgar face masks, it ended up with all 500 employees now wearing these masks. “Many people get angry and think it’s disrespectful while others laugh themselves to death”says a doctor who estimates that as many as 30 patients have died as a result of having laughed themselves to death
Ordered 7000 such masks: At a hospital in the United States, 500 employees are now treating patients with this face mask. The director of the hospital calls for full investigation
Requires answers The hospital director who is thus furious about the situation requires finding out who is responsible for the unfortunate joke or misunderstanding. “If it turns out that this is a joke from one of my employees I’ll talk hard to the person and say that he or she is extremely vile”says the director who himself also has to wear the face mask
What do you mean, do you realize that the hospital director is furious?
Et sykehus i USA har enten bestilt feil eller så har de en spøkefugl ved innkjøpsavdelingen. I jakten på ansiktsmasker ble det nemlig bestilt 7000 masker som ingen trodde man skulle se på et sykehus. “En utrolig dårlig spøk om det er det dette handler om” sier sykehus-direktøren
Må bruke maskene Selv om de aller fleste ansatte ved sykehuset nektet å benytte de vulgære ansiktsmaskene endte det opp med at alle de 500 ansatte nå bruker disse maskene. “Mange blir sinte og mener det er respektløst mens andre ler seg i hjel” sier en lege som anslår at så mange som 30 pasienter har dødd som følge av at de har ledd seg i hjel
Bestilte 7000 slike masker: På et sykehus i USA går det nå 500 ansatte og behandler pasientene med denne ansiktsmasken. Direktøren ved sykehuset krever full granskning
Krever svar Sykehus-direktøren som altså er rasende på situasjonen krever at man finner ut hvem som er ansvarlig for den uheldige spøken eller misforståelsen. “Dersom det viser seg at dette er en spøk fra en av mine ansatte skal jeg prate hardt til personen og si at han eller hun er ekstremt sjofel” sier direktøren som selv også må gå med ansiktsmasken
Hva mener du, skjønner du at sykehus-direktøren er rasende?
It was a dark and gloomy day in Sarpsborg today early. Like everyone else, Birger Vattknot (72 years old) relies entirely on his premium subscription to the American website Pornhub to make it through the weird time we’re all in. The shock and despair was therefore great when Birger was not allowed to log into the website. “It was a horrible feeling, but luckily, yes luckily I have people around me who care”says Birger
Failed to get new password Birger who admits that he is not particularly good when it comes to the technical typed in the password he thought he remembered, but did not get into the satisfactory range of entertainment. After repeated attempts, the despair took over and Birger realized that he needed help to get into the popular online service. “I felt stupid who couldn’t log me in on my own”says Birger. He simply needed a helping hand
Called the son, the son came After 2-3 hours of extensive knoting, Birger finally called his son Valdemar. “Valdemar is much better with such edb keyboards and he fixed it for me in just 1-2 minutes. I’m so proud of that boy.” says Birger who is still affected by the incident but who has now finally regained his access to the entertaining internet site
Det var en mørk og dyster dag i Sarpsborg idag tidlig. Birger Vattknot (72 år) er som alle andre om dagen hjemmeværende og er helt avhengig av sitt premium-abonnement hos den Amerikanske nettsiden Pornhub for å klare seg gjennom den rare tiden vi alle er i. Sjokket og fortvilelsen var derfor stort da Birger ikke fikk logget seg inn på nettsiden. “Det var en grusom følelse, men heldigvis, ja heldigvis har jeg mennesker rundt meg som bryr seg” sier Birger
Klarte ikke få nytt passord Birger som innrømmer at han ikke er spesielt god når det kommer til det tekniske skrev inn passordet han mente at han husket, men kom ikke inn i det tilfredsstillende utvalget av underholdning. Etter gjentatte forsøk tok fortvilelsen overhånd og Birger skjønte at han trengte hjelp for å komme seg inn på den populære nett-tjenesten. “Jeg følte meg dum som ikke klarte å logge meg inn på egenhånd” sier Birger. Han trengte rett og slett en hjelpende hånd
Ringte sønnen, sønnen kom Etter 2-3 timer med omfattende knoting ringte til slutt Birger sønnen sin Valdemar. “Valdemar er mye flinkere med slike edb-tastatur og han fikset det for meg i løpet av bare 1-2 minutter. Jeg er så stolt av den gutten” sier Birger som fortsatt er preget av hendelsen, men som nå endelig har fått tilbake sin tilgang til den underholdende internett-siden
