BREAKING NEWS: Cannibal from Lillehammer arrested after eating 2 Jehovah’s Witnesses, 3 pizza buds and 14 annoying alarm-sellers

LILLEHAMMER: A cannibal with a large house and four small dogs has been arrested on Monday afternoon after a police investigation revealed the man used to use a small doorman as his personal food buffet. The man’s four small dogs are being cared for by the accused man’s personal chef. “Chef is out of suspicion” reports police

Stayed on for many years
Police say in a press release that the man who has admitted all conditions has eaten alarm-sellers and people from Jehovah’s Witnesses for many years. “In total, we are talking about 25-30 victims who are eaten by the man”police chief Bastian Bein Marg told eAvisa. Foreløbig, the police are restrained with information, but can reveal that the man’s 4 small dogs are of the breed Bichon frisé. “Yes this is a great breed dog, simply a nice family dog”says the police chief

Facts about Bichon frisé
Bichon frisé is a breed of small dogs that probably originated from the countries around the northwestern parts of the Mediterranean. In the 16th century it was popular with nobility, and it was a frequent fixture at the courts in southern Europe thanks to its devotion and charming temperament. Then that now it had lion clips. “Such a funny dog can be up to 15 years old”concludes the chief of police

What are you thinking, would you imagine a Bichon frisé?

SISTE NYTT: Kannibal fra Lillehammer arrestert etter å ha spist 2 Jehovas vitner, 3 pizzabud og 14 irriterende alarm-selgere

LILLEHAMMER: En kannibal med stort hus og 4 små hunder er mandag ettermiddag arrestert og satt i varetekt etter at politiets etterforskning viste at mannen har benyttet innpåslitne dørselgere som sin personlige matbuffè. Mannens 4 små hunder blir foreløbig tatt vare på av den siktedes mannens personlige kokk. “Kokken er utenfor mistanke” melder politiet

Holdt på i mange år
Politiet sier i en pressemelding at mannen som har innrømmet samtlige forhold har spist alarm-selgere og folk fra Jehovas vitner i mange år. “Til sammen snakker vi om 25-30 ofre som er spist av mannen” sier politimester Bastian Bein Marg til eAvisa. Foreløbig er politiet tilbakeholden med informasjon, men kan avsløre at mannens 4 små hunder er av rasen Bichon frisé. “Ja dette er en flott rasehund, rett og slett en fin familiehund” sier politimesteren

Fakta om Bichon frisé
Bichon frisé er en rase av små hunder som trolig opprinnelig stammer fra landene rundt de nordvestre delene av Middelhavet. På 1500-tallet var den populær blant adelen, og den var et hyppig innslag ved hoffene sør i Europa takket være sin hengivenhet og sjarmerende temperament. Da som nå hadde den løveklipp. “En slik artig hund kan bli opp til 15 år gamle” avslutter politimesteren

Hva tenker du, kunne du tenkt deg en Bichon frisé?

RESEARCH: Men who fall asleep on the couch are often amazing lovers

The State Center for Interpersonal Relations has researched the connection between falling asleep on the couch and being a god in bed. The conclusion is clear; The more often a man falls asleep on the couch in the early evening the better he is in bed

Extensive
research Head and cohabitation expert Roy Råtass Gladvold tells eAvisa that the research is extensive. “We have asked and followed over 20 000 Norwegian men for over 13 years. All results show the same; The more you lie drowsy on the couch the better you perform when it comes to fun time with your wife” smiles Roy who himself falls asleep several times a day on the couch

Training people worst
“At the opposite end of the scale we find the weird people”says Roy. “These are men who right after work are going to jog or even worse ride,”he says as he shakes his head. “According to the extensive study, men who jog or ride a lot are not only bad at jazzing in bed, but they are also jerks,” says Roy, who has neither sneakers nor a bike. “I’m wearing a bike helmet, but it’s because of something completely different, but I don’t want to talk about that,” concludes the renowned scientist

BREAKING NEWS: Orgasm courses for men who can’t come had to be cancelled as none of the men came

A support group under the auspices of the state had to be cancelled. The support group for men who cannot have an orgasm never got to a start when none of the enrolled men came. “Toobad no one is coming, but we hope these men will come next time”says course manager Konrad Kom Proper to eAvisa

Should stand up
for themselves The course was set up after several men believed that those who could not have an orgasm should stand up for themselves. “We see that men who struggle with this often do not stand up for themselves. They don’t exactly splash out on confidence to put it that way.” says Konrad. He believes men who struggle to get orgasm often get sucked out of self-esteem

Couldn’t come
eAvisa has been in contact with several of the registered course participants confirming that they had difficulty coming. “I tried but had trouble coming”says one of the participants who did not come. “I tried to come but couldn’t”says another. “In other words, it may seem that men struggling to get orgasm also struggle to get on course” quits the course manager

What do you mean? Do you think men who are struggling to come have trouble coming. A come on a, answer then. Come on…

SISTE NYTT: Orgasmekurs for menn som ikke kan komme måtte avlyses da ingen av mennene kom

En støttegruppe i regi av staten måtte avlyses. Støttegruppen for menn som ikke kan få orgasme kom aldri til en start da ingen av de påmeldte mennene kom. “Synd at ingen kommer, men vi håper disse mennene kommer neste gang” sier kursansvarlig Konrad Kom Skikkelig til eAvisa

Bør stå opp for seg selv
Kurset ble satt opp etter at flere menn mente at de som ikke kunne få orgasme burde stå opp for seg selv. “Vi ser at menn som sliter med dette ofte ikke står opp for seg selv. De spruter ikke akkurat av selvtillit for å si det sånn” sier Konrad. Han mener menn som sliter med å få orgasme ofte blir sugd tomme for selvtillit

Klarte ikke komme
eAvisa har vært i kontakt med flere av de påmeldte kursdeltagerne som bekrefter at de fikk problemer med å komme. “Jeg prøvde, men fikk problemer med å komme” sier en av deltagerne som ikke kom. “Jeg prøvde å komme, men klarte ikke” sier en annen. “Det kan med andre ord virke som menn som sliter med å få orgasme også sliter med å komme på kurs” avslutter kursansvarlig

Hva mener du? Tror du menn som sliter med å komme har problemer med å komme. A kom igjen a, svar da. Kom igjen….

BREAKING NEWS: Colleagues wasted 2 hours saying “Can you hear me” and “Hello?”

A department at the company Byggbassvass AS managed Monday morning to conduct a 2 hour long meeting where the only sentences that were said were“Can you hear me”,“Hello?”and “I do not have sound“. Now the whole company is going on course in how to deal with Skype without wasting valuable working hours

Average age of 57 years
The ceo of the company Bo Kasper Orkesterud tells eAvisa that he is embarrassed by the employees’ incompetence when it comes to the digital. “With an average age in the company of 57 years consisting of builders, we notice clear limitations when it comes to such an EDB,” he says. The general manager points out that he possesses some edb digital knowledge, but that the other employees have not learned neither edb nor Google well enough

No one
heard each other. In Monday’s morning meeting, management had decided to start with a more forward-leaning attitude towards digital platforms. Most people signed in to Skype, but not a single employee made both audio and microphone work. The result was that everyone sat in front of the screen screaming“Can you hear me”without anyone hearing anyone. Merry Christmas a!

Man (49 years old) realises he has spent 7 years of his life waiting for his wife as ‘immediately’ is finished

Magne Bottolf Kålvått from Rismøkkfjord is annoyed. It all started with him being annoyed with his wife for once again having to wait for her to “immediately” get ready. He then became annoyed with himself when he calculated that since they married 16 years ago he has spent seven years of his life waiting for his wife to “get ready immediately”

Never wait again
As a result of the hard truth, Magne has decided that he will never again wait for his wife. “Either she’s ready at the agreed time or I’m leaving without her”says a determined Magne as he tightens his lower lip as a sign that he really is serious. “I sit and wait like a wad several hours each week. This is so stupid, I get embarrassed. he says

I’ll
have to wait a little bit more. Furthermore, Magne says that his wife is never ready when they are going anywhere. “No, she’s either going to do some makeup, change a dress or check her hair just when I’ve put on shoes and outerwear. It makes me sit in the hallway like a jerk to just wait” he says. His wife, on the other hand, says Magne is a dramqueen and that he will have to endure waiting for her to “immediately” be ready in the next few years. “He’ll probably be sitting waiting ahead too yes, he’s just roaring a little with his feathers right now, but he’s expecting himto “smile a confident lady who goes to change her socks. “Just wait a minute for Magne, I’ll be right there,” she says.

POLICE WARN: More and more mothers-in-law are locked in hot cars.

Mothers-in-law are forgotten in hot cars!

Police report that in May there was a sharp increase in the number of incidents where the police emergency response team had to out smash car routes because a mother-in-law was locked in hot cars. “Wesee that there is constant locking up in mothers-in-law in hot cars”says Police Chief Bastian B. Olle.

Sitting in the car screaming
He explains that there is a high risk associated with such a rescue; “The mothers-in-law we lock out are usually furious and both yell and act manipulatively”says the commissioner. He says he has a full understanding of the men who lock these ladies in, but reminds me that mothers-in-law are also human beings. “Here it is important that the men swallow camels before lives are lost” he says

Locked in locked for 2 hours: Ruth Vigdis Bakkerud was locked up for more than two hours after her son-in-law “forgot” that she was sitting in the back of the car. “Mistakes like this happen then,” says his son-in-law smiling. “This is something I’ll never forget” says Ruth, who is relatively open about her being in a passive-aggressive war with her son-in-law

Ikea’s parking lot
On Saturday morning, the police department had to move out to Ikea at Slependen a whopping 18 times. “Here we smashed the squares and helped mothers-in-law into the fresh air. In most cases, it turns out that it was the son-in-law who had unfortunately forgotten that the mother-in-law was in the back seat” he says. Now he encourages anyone planning a summer holiday with his mother-in-law to think about it. “We see that divorces and domestic disturbances increase significantly when couples have had or have visits by the mother-in-law on the mother’s side”says the concerned policeman. His advice is to drive his mother-in-law into the woods so they have to go home. “That way there is little chance that they will return another time”he recommends

The mother-in-law’s association cannot comment on any specific matters, but says they generally advise their members to create as much discord and unease as possible between their daughter and her boyfriend.

BREAKING NEWS: Woman (38 years old) managed to make cheesecake without boasting about it on Facebook!

For the past 2 days, a woman from Østfold has been working on baking a great cheesecake. The cake has both jelly and a perfect biscuit bottom. It is therefore startling and incredible that the woman has not taken an amazing photo of the cheesecake and posted it on Facebook to get likes and comments about how incredibly clever she is

Forgot it
eAvisa has spoken to the woman who says that she (of course) had all intentions to post a picture of the cheesecake on Facebook, but that she simply forgot about it and let her partner eat up the cake without her boasting of the cake on Facebook. “I realize it’s weird, but next time, yes it’ll be cheesecake on Facebook”says the woman who can be described as pretty on the border of beautiful.

Not experienced this before
Researcher and avid bake expert Pål Topping Easter tells eAvisa that it’s the first time he’s heard of a woman who has made a cheesecake without boasting about it on Facebook. “Strange, very strange” is the only comment he makes, but underpins the statement by shaking his head sharply to emphasize that he thinks it is… Yes….. Strange.

Could you bake something without bragging about it on Facebook? Doesn’t the joke be made of baking away? Ha?!